, ,

Today was an ok day, things have been pretty bad this month, but I know that things will get better and things are slowly already getting better. But I heard some news today that really just made my day go from ok to completely shitty. Originally I was going to write a blog today about how this news effected me and why it upset me so much, but as I let it fester for a bit, I remembered Aesop’s story about the dog and the wolf.

I first heard this little story in second grade. We were at a school assembly meeting about how reading is fun and there was a story teller who was reading various short stories and Aesop’s the dog and the wolf was in there. And that story stood out to me and really opened a new world to me. From that story I realized that I had an option in life, that I could choose to live how I wanted and that in the end the freedom that I would have would be worth the things that I would give up.

Because I have chosen to live like that in my own way, I got into a lot of trouble when I was younger, and even though I am cut off from all the benefits of if I had stayed with my family, I have gladly taken my freedom.

My younger sister spoke to me today (first time in almost a year) and told me how wonderful her life was going. She is the epitome of a spoiled brat and has been offered a high paying job if she gets her AA (she has already almost flunked out of college twice in less than two years), she is currently looking for a condo in a wealthy area around where our family lives, and she has never had to pay a cent for her schooling, her wants and need, or her child’s wants and needs. She has always been given everything she has ever wanted and asked for, and many times I went without necessities so that she could have her wants. I remember that I went from 5th grade to when I got my first job, without our parents ever buying me clothes, shoes or school supplies, but my younger sister would receive new expensive shoes every few months, new clothes, and new school supplies each year. I would be lucky if I received hand-me-downs from cousins, aunts or our older sister.

Although today I was torn between being happy for my younger sister when she told me how great everything was going, and being selfish and angry that things were going great for her and shitty for me; I took a second and realized that all of the things that she has ever gotten, is going to get and will continue to get, are all because our family takes care of her. She is going to college because our parents are paying for her entire college education. She is able to live comfortably with her baby because she lives rent free with our parents and our parents still spoil her and they are now spoiling her baby, so any money my younger sister has gotten from her part-time job have literally been for her to do with as she pleases rather than having to pay bills or support her baby. She kept the baby (instead of giving it up for adoption like she had wanted) because our parents disapproved of her “taking the easy way out” by putting the child up for adoption. She changed her life dreams and goals because our parents no longer approved of her life plan. She is getting the high paying job because of the friends that our parents have. Everything will continue to be gotten through our parents, she has not achieved anything on her own and doesn’t even know how to do anything on her own, and the price that she pays is that she cannot choose anything on her own. She changed her major in college because our parents told her she had to. She is driving her current car (paid for by our parents) because they picked it out for her. She is currently single because our parents disapproved of her boyfriend (not her baby’s daddy, but a different guy), she is only looking for condos in areas that our parents have already approved of, and will only get a condo if our parents approve of it.

I chose to leave the family for good and I knew that I was giving up what little benefits I had being with them, but I still gave up something that most people do not have. I chose to starve and be free rather than to “be a fat slave”. In the end, life is about choices and that is what I love about the life I have chosen, because I have the freedom to choose whatever I want. Some might call it post-teenage rebelling and a feeble attempt of trying to ‘stick it to the man’ or any type of authority figure, but I have simply chosen to live my own life by making my own choices and dealing with the consequences and whether they are good or bad, I welcome any, because I know that they are results of choices that I have made on my own.

So in conclusion:

Am I happy that things are going good for her? Yes

Am I upset that she’s getting everything handed to her and doesn’t appreciate it? No, I pity her that she’ll never really know what it’s like to stand on her own two feet, or appreciate the things that she is being handed, but, that is something that I cannot change, so I must simply accept it and move on with life.

The Dog and the Wolf by Aesop

A gaunt Wolf was almost dead with hunger when he happened to meet a House-dog who was passing by. “Ah, Cousin,” said the Dog. “I knew how it would be; your irregular life will soon be the ruin of you. Why do you not work steadily as I do, and get your food regularly given to you?”
“I would have no objection,” said the Wolf, “if I could only get a place.”
“I will easily arrange that for you,” said the Dog; “come with me to my master and you shall share my work.”
So the Wolf and the Dog went towards the town together. On the way there the Wolf noticed that the hair on a certain part of the Dog’s neck was very much worn away, so he asked him how that had come about.
“Oh, it is nothing,” said the Dog. “That is only the place where the collar is put on at night to keep me chained up; it chafes a bit, but one soon gets used to it.”
“Is that all?” said the Wolf. “Then good-bye to you, Dog.”